I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
