I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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