He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
