Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
