Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
