I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
