Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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