You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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