I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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