I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
