so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
