I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
