She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i already hear my dad disowning me
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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