First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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