Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
being pregnant is like rehab
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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