are you still at the devil's house?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
