as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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