She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
