Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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