Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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