hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
