Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
