Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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