I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
