She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
