Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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