hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
