Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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