I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
