Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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