The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
