you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
