Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
