i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
