I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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