Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
