We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
