I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
