God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
