ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
