She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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