I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
