I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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