Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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