Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dicks are not precious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
