she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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