I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
