Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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