Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
