You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
whose parrot is this?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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